Life is Moving Fast- Landscape Tour to Japan is “GO!”

by James C. Stephens

January 28, 1981

Life is moving quite fast. Will find time to write soon. The urge is not quite here yet. Tomorrow Eric gets his shots. I am concerned, yet feel it is important so he is protected from some of these treacherous diseases. I pray for his health. He is getting so much bigger. He is communicating more. He sort of giggles, has a beautiful smile and radiant eyes. It looks like he has strawberry blond hair. He loves to be sung to, stands up holding my forefinger. Pulls himself up. He sleeps between us. We both love it. He is truly a joy. Has been moving his head back and forth for a few weeks now. Starting to experiment with variations on crying. People really love him a lot. He’s a fortunate fellow and we feel fortunate to have him…Variations on talking too, with cries. Beautiful boy.

Things to record. Culture Festival, Wattles, Karen and David and Daniel’s, Jane Dundee’s birthday, Talk with Vic, Incident at the World Culture Center, Susan and Larry Shaw, Liz and me, Super Bowl Sunday, Katie Newman.

February 2, 1981

Met with Bruce Smith on proposed plan; went for our ideas, next step presentation plan. Liked my idea of tension structures for above his proposed Jacuzzi.. Took revised plan to Mrs. Sadowski, she liked our revision. Much more excited about whole concept. Met with Craig Browne about contracting landscapes. Did not feel quite right on interview. Likeable fellow, but in a close working relationship as we have we must be sure as possible. ..Home at 8pm. Liz and I talked for a couple of hours. Sure felt good to really communicate with one another. Talked about career, style what we need to develop. These talks are what I had been missing. Physical is so related to, so inseparable with spiritual. Liz wants to develop as a tax consultant and to develop own individual style. We fully communicated our feelings.

Nori Hashibe, my Landscape Design instructor and friend

February 12, 1980

The word on the Landscape Tour to Japan is “GO!” It’s now on. On again, off again. It has caused Liz and I both some frustration. Coming up with $2900 prior to departure and receiving our tax refund is no light matter. Somehow, someway.

Anyway, celebrated tonight with some Sake’. Got blitzed. Nori and I had an interesting conversation about the boring usage of space. We discussed concrete—sand garden statement. Need desert space. Thought tonight about have pieces of technology pieces incorporated in the landscape. Nori’s statement would be hey look at this way of dealing with landscape. Last 300-400 years boring. Nothing much really new.

Human statement.

Explorer—Risk—Pacific Civilization—Does not mean Japanese cultural importation. Synthesis of many forms, movement.  Together we are basically from the same generation. Serious, yet optimistic. With a great force we could pull in people like Francis Dean. Basically he’s pessimistic right now. In past, youth probably great ideas. We would rekindle these ideas and he might come along. His social movement not optimistic. We need lightness, playfulness, inventiveness.

Nori thinks I’ll be good for Kevin Dunn. I think there’s a lot in Kevin. Some basic middle class ideals, but at this age can change. I’m not saying I have nothing to learn from him. I do. Exciting movement.

Greenhouse by the way is now in construction phase. Yippee! One piece of down news, is all of our brick was taken out and back. What a drag! Oh well. The fact is the glass is being repaired and the saran added. What a great step for our program.

As for dealing with Dr. Roberts. We can’t, need not be sucked down to playing in his inane university political games. Just call his hand and play around him. Let him do his thing and not get sucked in.

Kevin and I communicating a lot. Establishing a relationship is not always easy. I have a good feeling about our chances of making it though. He’s not rigid, but sensitive and flexible, innovative and sharp.

We are starting computer sessions with Harvey next week. 1 hour per day. We are going to put together, design some software for plant design, etc. Also putting together the source book. Using computer word processer—names, form letters, to be sent out—great!

Kevin and I on same frequency about direction and complement each other’s work. Another interesting development is that Mike Pearson’s mom knows Hawaiian nurserymen who can be our connection for good subtropical plants.

Met with Greg Hanson referred to us by Nori for residential design in Malibu. Interesting possibilities. Greg nice sincere guy, but lacks confidence. So do I, but in a different sense. He too would like to be part of our team.

Met with Bunnie and Stephanie on Sunday. Liz, Eric and I dropped by around 4:00 and discussed landscape with them and came up with some interesting ideas and a proposal.

Liz depressed this week, I worry about her. More sad for her than anything. Want to share my excitement! Been getting home a little late. Trying to get established in company. I do enjoy it and she says she understands.

Eric is playing more. Such a beautiful smile he has. He’s talking—babbling, whatever it is, it’s his form of communication and its beautiful. I love to look at him. He’s so pure. I fear losing him, yet I surrender and feel more vulnerable and love him all the more each moment.

Mom’s babysitting on Saturday so Liz and I can go out for our anniversary dinner. She’s been depressed about how we can find someone to care for Eric when she goes back to work.

She’s been real busy getting the invites out for our party on the 21^st. Should be a lot of fun. I have felt a bit under the weather lately. Stomach aches and basic disharmony. Liz and I need to communicate fully.

Vic has been trying to get ahold of me regarding the dissident NSA movement. I have not gotten back to him as I do not agree with his tactics and spirit. He talks of going to the press about NSA.

Called Dad, Ron and Mom last night. Been thinking more about family.

Got a letter from Reverend Sakata conveying his congratulations on our party, but expressing why he wouldn’t be able to attend. Must protect temple, no provisions for leaving. I can understand. What an incredible responsibility to Kosenrufu priests have.

Working on the promotional brochure for our landscape business.

The Star System, a multi family, live work structure I designed.

Walter—friend from Brazil said they are going to use my star system idea in Brasilia and will invite me to the dedication. Don’t know all the details. Will talk to at the party.

Have not felt attachment to NSA, but still feel mission for kosenrufu however.

Pam Zinser would like to help Liz shop for clothes. I mentioned it to her and she accepted the idea and said she liked Liz and felt she would like to get to know her more.

It’s getting late. Better get some zzz’s.  Goodnite.

Pamela has a new Venezuelan Lover, President Reagan Prepares for Inaguration, and President Ikeda Arrives for Festival

by James C. Stephens

January 13, 1981

First day at work—Pacific Architectural Design—Pacific Palisades. 8:30 brought in my library; did some drafting, drove to Paramount, picked up terra cotta pots from U.S. Pottery Factory. Saw how pots are made, interesting process. Will write more about how job came about. Want to hit the hay for now.

January 19, 1980

Tom Lockett, Land Images at UCLA Greenhouse Landscape Architecture Show.

Faculty meeting tonight. Finished project on student evaluation. Was behind schedule, but fortunately got in on the beginning of regular business. Unfortunately, I missed the student presentations, but did get student evaluation approved by faculty. It is excellent and I think it will prove extremely helpful to counseling and therapy students. Talked to Bob Kelley about student association and teacher evaluations. Greenhouse bids accepted; in process of being approved by UCLA bureaucracy. Talked to Bob Kelly re: $ for research from American Institute for Landscape Architecture (AILA). Possibly some dollars for writing on China. Write an article pushing (China/Japan tour). Get copy ready for newsletter edition—typing by Penny.

Work is going well. Thursday/Friday did base sheet on job and got blueprinted. Slow, but will pick up speed. Found out that Michael Pierson, the President of the company used to work as an instructor at Mammoth and knew my brother Ron. He was tired of being poor among all the glamours of being an instructor. Five years ago he started P.A.D. We do construction remodel, spec houses, have an architect on staff, do landscape design and construction. Basically we’re a design build firm.

Tom Lockett bought me a beer after the meeting. He said, we’ll learn a lot by basically treading water. It’s a great opportunity. We talked about money, friends, opportunity, children, design, design office, design secretary idea. He told me he would like to hire four more people on his firm. Me, Kevin, guy from Cal Poly Pomona, girl Molly. He also said you’d be crazy to pass up trip to Japan/China.

Went with Liz to World Culture Center on Saturday for a toso. Chanted a good hour or so. Talked to several people we hadn’t seen in quite some time. Eric of course was with us. He smiled at most all the girls. He give us so much joy. I love him so much.

Saturday morning—first day at Wattle’s Park—restoration of Italian Renaissance Garden, Bicentinneal project. Francis Dean gave a talk on construction theory. He is an incredible visionary. He encouraged me to take advantage of the opportunity to see China. Very few see it. You would be among the youngest in the field to see it. Talked about talents. He also still wants me to come out take two days of classes per week. Must set up appointment and apply, putting best foot forward.

Sunday, Liz, Eric and I did a lot of shopping. Tired out.  Had company—Chris Scott and Angela. Afraid we weren’t 100%. Nevertheless we had a pleasant dinner and evening with them. They are getting hitched in May!

Today did design work—Kevin Dunn liked a couple of my concepts. I need to learn so much more. Step at a time.

Hostage release is in final phrases. Interest on frozen assets holding up final release negotiation.

President Reagan being inaugurated tomorrow or should I say today.

President Ikeda arrives in L.A. on Wednesday for Cultural Festival on Saturday.

Sunday, ran into Don Dean and a friend of his at American Burger for breakfast. Had caught wind previously that Don Dean was interested in marrying Sandy Shore. I diplomatically fond this out directly from the horse’s mouth. He admitted so.

pamelagrau.com

Ran into Pamela Grau. She has new Venezuelan lover. She is quite happy.

Chess called regarding the Youth Men’s movement. Non-political—supports me somewhat.

Tom complimented Nori and my Japanese field book.

Goodnite.

p.s. talked to Mike Strawbinger, had baby boy on Thursday,  January 15.

Visit David and Karin.

Talked to Greg—paralyzed several years back. Neat guy, encouraging..talked to Chris DeLisle..

High Priest Nikkan and the Joju Gohonzon

by James C. Stephens

December 10, 1980

Joju Gohonzon inscribed by 67th Nichiren Shoshu High Priest Nikken Shonin Geika for the attainment of World Peace. Special enshrining ceremony at the World Culture Center attended and officiated by High Priest Nikken Shonin Geika. Liz and Eric made it for gongyo. Eric was the youngest member in attendance, 2 weeks and one day. He stayed for gongyo and the sermon by the High Priest then afterwards Liz and Eric left because he started crying. He was asleep during the whole thing til after the High Priest. Liz felt that was fine. What do you think, he wanted to hear congratulatory messages? (We both are not always so into them).

I was a TCD and Ethan Gelbaum who I feel at this time are real nerds came up to me (I was on the second floor directing people into the ceremony) and gave me a ticket saying, you must be lucky or something, here’s the last ticket. I recognized his arrogant macho power attitude and basically ignored him by taking the ticket after I said I know I have fortune and walked away. It was the only way I felt I could combat his devilish arrogance now that he thinks he’s made it.

I also was handing out fruit to the members, some were grateful like one girl Chris who is a district leader in North Hollywood, Burbank district who recently came out from Indiana; others were like greedy dogs practically climbing on the altar to take things like sake off. Some took so much they will never be able to finish it without it rotting, pure greed. Tony Sugano came up and so arrogantly, so insensitively commanded me to give him the two pineapples and said hurry up. I stopped and told him you are one arrogant son-of-a-bitch and a real asshole, then gave him the fruit stand. He said I know. I doubt he even heard me. He is blinded by the poisons and can not see.

It’s all over and when I came home I was extremely angry and doubtful about NSA. When Bruce Barnes stopped by we talked about philosophy and the ceremony. He was depressed about the event and felt down about it. You know, he said, sometimes when you just can’t, don’t want to be around these people, just want to be alone with people you want to be with.

I believe Kosenrufu is a supreme necessity. As I experienced a taste of true unity at my first workshop (speaking of Actualizations), everyone in true support of each other regardless of their character and past. I felt what it was to be in the Buddha’s land.

Now at 2:30 a.m. after I woke up with Eric needing to feed. I felt different. I made a strong determination towards developing the Youth Division and myself. Therefore these are obstacles for my growth, not unlike weights an athlete might have to lift in training for an event he desires to win. This event is my life and the future of children like Eric. That future can’t be left in the hands of arrogance, stupidity and greed. It must be forged from the hands of integrity, guts, purity and compassion. To get there, one must realize it is from now. I can’t be a recluse, as happy as I am in my own life now, being sensitive and growing alive it pains me whenever I look at the world and the future we are inheriting. It is impossible to be absolutely happy without giving to the environment, to forge an environment which supports itself and each other. This is a truth which I saw in the 4 day Actualization’s workshop.

Life however is not a 4 day alone.

Devotion to the mystic law

I advance

Focused on the supreme need

Kosenrufu

I can no longer hide in the shadows

Disease and poisons threaten

to destroy my body, my abode.

Do we wait til the enemy knocks on our door?

Never! Instead we boldly

Take on those obstacles which

Stand in our way.

Arrogance, stupidity, greed and

Avarice, the poisons which have

harmed the people.

We, I try to eliminate those poisons

from my system

so I too can warmly embrace

and comfort these fellow travelers

How do I accomplish this?

From the depths of my life

In spite of my doubts

In spite of my insincerity

In spite of my arrogance

In spite of my stupidity

In spite of my greed

In spite of my lack of compassion

In spite of my power

I strive to inherit the spirit of the law

I strive to perpetuate the law

I strive to become the person

who is one with the law

To see a land

I have seen Kosenrufu

It is my benefit

It is also my intense pain

Nam-myoho-renge-kyo

Foghorns in the distance

like tuning forks echoing

wafting up through open vents

I behold Eric

the future

sleeping, storing power

growing

He looks like a Buddha.

We all are they say.

Got to burp him.

He just stretched.

Well back to just looking at him

more than words.

I need to improve my ability

to express myself, my feelings.

A life

What does his future hold?

Infinity,

How can one contemplate on

another’s future without just mirroring, projecting

his own feelings?

May Eric grow up with Freedom and be

a human being of Justice and Love and

Integrity. This is my hope and conviction.

John Lennon’s last words

“While there is life, there is hope.”

“We shall overcome.”

John Lennon Assassinated

by James C. Stephens

December 9, 1980

Crowd mourns death of Beatles Legend John Lennon

The whole world was in mourning today following the senseless slaying, assassination of John Lennon last night outside of his apartment in New York by a local dingdong. Part of me died with John Lennon last night. As the real dominate force in the Beatles as a true human being, real in his actions and true to his beliefs, John was a noble part of us. His death was a blow to what we all stand for and for what John was so able to put to music and lyrics-Conviction, Justice, Love and Peace.

Sickness, Sick minds breeding more sick minds, guns, 2100 murders in Los Angeles county this year. My friend Jean Perkins struck down before her prime, craziness, paranoia, fear. Or a lesson learned, a determination made to enjoy every moment of life. I cried, I’m deeply angry too. Gun control is an absolute necessity. I will not let fear run my life and get a gun. I will also fight for peace and people’s freedom to live without fear. Gun control is an absolute must. A change is in the air. Things must change. We must wake up once again.

Eric is two weeks old today. We took him to see Dr. Wismen. He didn’t like the drafty office and being weighed and measured. He weighed 7 lbs. 13 ounces-up 1 lb. 4 oz. from his birth weight which the Dr. said was excellent since they usually just retain their birth weight. We asked questions regarding many issues we are faced with. I’ll record them tomorrow. Now I need to get some zzzzz’s.

~~~~

Thunder and lightning last night. Talk with Bruce Barnes regarding the Youth Division. Talked with Al Algergate. Went to Beverly Hills Headquarters planning meeting regarding Youth Division proposals. Dropped off fruit offering. High Priest Nikkan Shonin here tomorrow for enshrining Joju Gohonzon for World Peace at the World Culture Center at 4 p.m. Liz has a ticket, I will be TCD (Traffic Control Division).

Doing Xmas cards. Translation work for Nori Hashibe. Greenhouse okay-ed. Finished History of Landscape Architecture class. Illness, feverish, nausea. Talked with Bruce Barnes about the philosophy of the Youth Division. Rain storm-first in 190 days. Laundry, laundry, laundry. Nice mail from the Kraus’s, letter from Dave Creek in Japan, Talked to Russ Dilando via Roger Warren. Encounter with Dave Martinez and John Boertge. Dialogue with Gary Curtis. Read “Enemy of the People” by Henry Ibsen. Judy Gold called.

Ikeda: “I have accomplished my mission in Japan. I will now dedicate myself to America.”

by James C. Stephens

Sunday, October 19, 1980

Friday morning up at 7, showered, ate, chanting daimoku to be focused, relaxed, balanced, grounded, humorous, loving, patient, tolerant and to have appreciation for myself.

This day was a tremendous, I mean a great day. At 9 am I did Gongyo at the World Culture Center. Just the night before I had been called to be Soka Group at the Shrine. I decided and felt it would be great to be of service on this auspicious occasion, the 20th anniversary of NSA and the 1st International Soka Gakkai meeting, the International Buddhist League (IBL) with President Daisaku Ikeda.

Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles, site of many Nichiren Shoshu General Meetings.

I did Gongyo and really was relaxed and realized it was I myself that am the source. The Gongyo was rather frantic and uptight, which I would have usually been unconsciously following. This time I followed but coming from a calm, serene space amidst the turmoil. I was really happy within myself and “fused” with the Gohonzon. I gave my ticket to Robin Stephens and so she and Liz drove together to the Shrine. I love my wife so incredibly much. I miss here here at Asilomar. She is very much my best friend. Anyway, the Soka movement I was involved in brought with it many realizations. I sourced a great experience. I kept my sense of humor even around people who ordinarily triggered my hostility and was a relaxing force ins a stressful situation. I appreciated myself for the job our group did in handling the arrival and departure of 75 buses safely. I saw so, so many people I knew. About 10 I met in Japan including Mr. Watanabe and also a student I was with at WLC (World Language Center). I saw Robbie Hooker an original member in Sepulveda district who moved to Denver. Claudia Sheridan who moved out of town, Sandi Shore, and so many more faces I greeted from past conventions, etc. It was fantastic to see them again. What change! What realizations I had about the nature, the transience of life. Enjoy the people, become their friends if you so chose. Enjoy them, be with them in the moment. Teri Kaiser was really upset with the arrangements regarding tickets, the poor planning of NSA, the outlying members getting the seats over L.A. I consoled her in her tears. I had gone through this frustration last night when I called the Priest. I cried. 10 years I have given, struggled, fought for NSA and this is what I get she said, “a screen to watch President Ikeda give a speech!” I told here many things, but the most important was that patience is needed in determining to transform ourselves or an organization. Life is to be enjoyed. And I am sure President Ikeda knows that a couple thousand people were in the expo hall. He’ll come in. Sure enough he did after his speech. In the expos he announced what he had not in the main hall. “I have accomplished my mission in Japan. I will now dedicate myself to America.” This is what we were waiting for most of all. “I’ll clip his regular speech and include it here.

[JCS 2020. Teri and I practiced together in Marina district. She was a very special person, with a sense of justice and a great attitude, like a sister. I heard from Jeff Silver that she was a blues singer in San Francisco before she passed away. She will be missed].

Liz and I talked til late with Chris DeLisle who sayed over so he could go to the Garden Party early. I had the chance to be Soka Group for it, but instead decided to devote myself to writing a speech I was to deliver at the CCLA (California Council of Landscape Architects) Conference at Asilomar.

It was incredibly frustrating day not being with President Ikeda, being at Malibu, but not until later when every arrived back. Up til then I really enjoyed being with Liz and enjoying each other’s company.

Chris gave me a rough time about my attitude. I saw President Ikeda off in his limo.

President Ikeda’s Arrival

by James C. Stephens

October 17, 1980-1:25 a.m.

I am determined to make NSA a totally comfortable environment for anyone to practice in. Tonight I still feel if I offer my help, it will be gruffly refused. This spontaneity of mine feels thwarted. I am sure mine is not the only one. I take responsibility for having patience with myself and compassion for others. I have a lot to learn from each person and my arrogance has blocked some of this process. I have felt very slighted and unappreciated recently at the World Culture Center. I believe this stems from not fully appreciating myself. Both are interrelated. Tuesday I was at the Center for President Ikeda’s arrival. Gary Curtis and I had lunch at noon and talked about sensitivity-being right, people not hearing, frustration ensuing, and how to keep your wits about you in the meantime. Also not slandering people or yourself for not being perfect. Patience, value, wisdom.

I have felt so anxious over “where the action is,” it has caused me tremendous self-reflection. After President Ikeda arrived he toured the building. I had to leave for my chiropractic appointment with David Clemmens. I went through conflict along the same lines for the next three days. I could chase around President Ikeda by being a Soka Group, or be doing what I should, at home and try a different route than I normally would have followed.

Last night I again stopped by the Culture Center and got the cold shoulder. It hurt me very deeply. The reality of the level of unfriendly was too much. It is a tremendous battle just to approach going into the WCC (World Culture Center), even though President Ikeda is here. It is probably worse now. I feel as though I am being treated as a “crazy.” President Toda’s word to Ikeda still burns in my heart. If you don’t like the organization, make it the kind of place you want to practice. I need to develop more patience and wisdom to grapple with this issue. My primary task is to practice Gongyo and chant a great deal of daimoku, study, develop my career, love myself and family and have the determination to be able to serve President Ikeda, the Gohonzon, and the people, the priests. I am confident it is going to my fortune to spend much time with President Ikeda. I want to learn what it is if it is a connection for me. I pray it is from the desire to learn to serve from a master as President Ikeda. I decided tonight (after I had completed painting the bedroom, cleaning the floors, straightening the house that I would be Soka Group today for the General Meeting. Dave Suggs had called and asked if I was coming to help tomorrow. I felt, that my help had been refused each time, now that they “needed” me I was asked. I said maybe. I am still pissed and upset with their handling of people. Anyway since I got the work done here, I am going to do it. My attitude is not good, but I chanted tonight to raise my life condition. I pray that wherever I am that I will serve people happily, playfully, and humorously with love and affection coming from that essence.

Goodnite.

P.S. Talked to John Boertge, Cass Wilson, Mike Roquemore. Liz and I had a great time walking to new opening of Santa Monica Place tonight. I love being with her very much.

“Sensei is here”

by James C. Stephens

October 13, 1980

World Tribune Correspondents meeting with Daisaku Ikeda.

Windy, rain clouds, clear air blowing in from the ocean. I thought to myself this afternoon as I waited for Liz at work, President Ikeda arrived in weather like this in May of 1972. Beautiful weather, especially after all the terrible smog we had been having.

After class tonight I stopped in at the World Culture Center. Chuck says to me, Sensei is here. He arrived this afternoon. He’s at Malibu now.

I had had a feeling when I was waiting for Mark and Paula to pick me up for class. Something, no I felt President Ikeda was here. There was no mistaking the high energy at the World Culture Center.

I ran into Mike Raymond and we talked. He mentioned that he and Elisa had gotten my note. They really appreciated it and were going to give me a call or drop me a note. I told him and Steve Bauer about the things that were happening for me. Steve said he mentally has been going through a lot of crap. I added that I too had been flipping out lately. Tremendous ups and downs. More than I recall as usual.

Mike gave me his impression of what was going on. Very close to my attitude and impression.

All Japanese, hysteria surround the visit. Just trying not to onshitsu and take home that negativity. Relying on daimoku to keep straight and clear about it all. Not willing to plan life around “the visit” and not devote full energy to won life and work which he’s excited about. I said isn’t that truly what Buddhism is about? Really.

He said organization could collapse and he would not freak out. Has a great connection to the Gohonzon. I differ here. I have fair connection whose depth I can’t judge, yet I feel a truly american organization is an essential element whose positive force could provoke a more vital movement in America and in individual lives.

Mike also mentioned that Kikimura was “putting down” the Americans that were into taking drugs and outside the organization. The people he was talking to were mostly Oriental, with a few Caucasians. The few Caucasians were offended.

Something is very definitely not right here still. It’s like a Japanese social club and we’re excluded. I feel we’re treated as outsiders unless we learn Japanese custom and authority and lose our true identity according to the land. It is not as though we both learn from each other. Japanese is still spoken and this causes some ill feelings. There is definite distance here. I will be really surprised if this insularity is exposed on this trip by President Ikeda. I feel anxious about the consequence of his movement here. Like “we” will not be let in or be able to experience any real connection with him in the intimate sense.

I must/or would really like to get a letter to him.

I will continue my planned activities of painting the bedroom, writing speech for CCLA Conference (California Council of Landscape Architects), straightening the house. I feel this is my true way of participating. Same daily practice. I haven’t increased my daimoku because “he” is here. I have same practice I am building. My life is my life. I feel it is essential for me not to feel ill at ease or diminished by his presence. I respect him. I respect myself.

Lunch tomorrow at 12:00 with Dr. Gary Stevens.

Painting bedroom in the morning.

Goodnite.

Moves, Old Flames, Sexual Workshops, and Death

by James C. Stephens

Monday, March 17, 1980

Weekend was really strange. We finally tied up an apartment, then roommate Vincent Wong caused some real upsetting problems. The guy is exceedingly immature. He is rude and also unaware of his actions and of himself. His table manners are gross–he chews his food with his mouth wide open and it grates terribly on my nerves. 15 minutes before I had to be at a meeting he says he wants to have a talk–only when it is convenient for him. When we’re relaxing on a Sunday evening, he comes in and wants to figure out the bills. Late at night he would make noise in the kitchen while we were trying to sleep and on top of that he talks to himself.

Our place in Culver City on Woodbine.

I find him incredibly irritating. We’ll see what I can learn here. He’s like a little child. It’s not so much his actions, but his attitude. It’s a temporary situation and evidently I must be in it to learn something. I have never felt intuitively right about him, so maybe it’s the universe’s design to help me change something. I’ll stick it out, but as soon as we move in I’ll just be me and not hold back anything. He’s an extremely arrogant “intellectual” engineer and quite frankly he really is short, I mean really short on human skills. He says with his mouth he wants to change. He talks of the fact he would like to be a politician. Why is it people who don’t really care about people want to run our government? I also think he designs military weapons which disturbs me. The person has very little conscience and or consciousness.

Well, we’ll see what happens in the next few months. Who knows? At this time I just wanted you to know my feelings. The guy is a real schmuck. A PhD to me is worth about a shit to me if that’s the type of person you are. He also Malaysian, educated in English schools and Catholic. Very unfrank and deceitful.

Anyway we got the place on 1133 6th Street in Santa Monica. I don’t feel too good regarding the move. We’ll just have to see if it’s just my mood or illusion or whatever. It’s right across the street from the World Culture Center. Why? Who knows. It’s frustrating. Chanted for the right move.

Yesterday had diarrhea. Felt sick. Went to Spa. Stopped by open house at Santa Monica Community Center, very little vitality in the elderly. I felt more ill just being around there. I just don’t know what is going on in my life, its all so strange.

When I drop in on a meeting at the center, I can’t quite feel sincere with the leaders or the people. I have a tremendous resentment against many of them. The leaders just grate on my life.

Quite honestly I don’t know where all this is leading.

Without Liz sometimes it would be hard to bear what goes on.

It’s time to make and find some new friends for new growth. I feel we’ve outgrown a lot of acquaintances that are just not too interesting to be around.

This new move is a good opportunity to change a lot of things.

Monday, April 7, 1980

Had a chiropractic treatment today from David Clemmens, D.C. and am feeling better mentally. To me it is so incredible what a difference I feel when my back is aligned. I needed very much to get an adjustment since all I seem to have been doing for the past weeks is moving. Three Saturdays ago we moved into our new apartment at 1133 6th Street, Apartment #1. What a move! Fortunately a lot of friends helped us out. Bruce Barnes, Bob Rafkin, Mike Roquemore and Kirk, Lydia, Adrianne Lascar, and Dad. It sure made it easier and I really do appreciate their help. We had more help than our UCLA Extension Landscape School in moving the drafting equipment on Saturday April 5.

Last Monday Liz and I helped Dad move out of the garage. What a monumental task. Liz is such a beautiful and remarkable woman. I love her so much. And I enjoy working with her. She doesn’t fool around. She gets things done. Well I have to tell you we did one helluva lot of work and quite a good job. It sure felt good to finally see a phase in our life pass. (The cars were gone. Hip!Hip! Hooray!)

We had our share of Mrs. Nelson too. She became a terrible bother at the end. I didn’t find her a very enjoyable person. Strange lady. A touch of Nazi in there I believe. Enough there.

Our new place is really charming. It’s taking some time to get settled, but we’re doing fine. Sunday, Liz and I took a walk to the pier and Ocean Park. Although I wasn’t in the best of spirits I have to say I did enjoy myself.

Our new place is really charming. It’s taking some time to get settled, but we’re doing fine. Sunday, Liz and I took a walk to the pier and Ocean Park. Although I wasn’t in the best of spirits I have to say I did enjoy myself.

Few things. Adrianne and Mike Roquemore got together, as Adrianne was having problems with someone who shows her concern; I’m getting friendly with a girl Bonnie from school. She’s married, not too happy. We had a nice talk on Saturday alone when we were moving desks donated by a big design firm. I think it would be nice to have a more intimate relationship with her. I think we could be very good friends. In fact I think it looks very promising in that direction and I will definitely commit some time in that direction.

Design School looking really great. I helped along with Nori Hashibe, John, Tom L, Pat Allen and Bonnie, Vince and a few others to move a great deal of drafting equipment to our new prospective design center.

I’m talking to Pat Allen, Chair of the School of Landscape Architecture, UCLA Extension.  

Nori, Phil and I talked til late about the future in this area and regarding Pacific Cultural ties. I’m taking Studio Skills from Nori and Interior Design for Landscape Architecture from Tom Lockett.

Tom Lockett, Land Images.

I feel I’m on the ground floor of something great happening and I am EXCITED! REAL EXCITED.

Same in NSA with the Youth Development Program. Michael Crenshaw (An Actualization’s Workshop Leader) and I had dinner and he’s very interested in helping develop the Young People’s Workshop.

In the area of Relationship with Liz it’s deepening. Some problems, but a lot of advancement.

Family: Uncle Johnny Dow (Tony’s father) is not doing well. He has terminal cancer. I don’t know much more than that presently.

Bruce and Maggie got married last weekend in March. Very nice wedding small and beautiful. Bruce’s family seemed really happy. It looks like a good bet!

Started a million daimoku campaign today.

Losing my hair stylist Linda. She and her husband are moving to Carmel. Really nice gal from New York.

Tomorrow–Sexual Self Expression Workshop–Touching. Should be interesting.

Good nite for now.

Oh, a couple of other things: must push career–progressing too slow. Looking for a job. Must complete resume this week.

Liz and I going to Yosemite with Jerry Wilhelm and Pat Cuda on Ecological Systems field trip (While we waited for Jerry’s Professor, we soon heard tragic news that he was killed in a motorcycle accident on his way to teach the class. It was very difficult for all).

Elizabeth at Yosemite.

Must get serious with Career by doing.

Michael Roquemore having a hard time at present, but I think it’s going to turn around.

Chris DeLisle doing great. Helped us with garage move. Gave him my old skis and boots. He’s doing well.

Got a letter from Chris Scott–from Actualizations CPI (Creative Personal Interactions) Workshop–must get in touch. He’s really a super guy.

Taking a Break with Chaplin and Truman

by James C. Stephens

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March 05, 1980

Last night I started a six week course on “Sexual Self Expression” on Tuesday nights at 7:30 with Actualizations. Our workshop conductor is a man named David Crump. (He trained at Esalen in California under Carl Rogers, a world renown expert on Group Dynamics). One of our homework assignments is to keep a journal–daily of our dealings around a sexual focus. So I might not be spending much time here for the next six weeks, but things will be recorded. I think I will record it in another journal I have. It will just be of this workshop experience. I will ask the workshop conductor if this is okay.*

David A. Crump later developed the Essential Experience.

[JCS 2019 Note: *Not many years later, I sat in on a Psychology class at UCLA to take notes for a sick friend and was deeply impressed by the Professor’s take on the psychological dangers and relational damage due to Pornography. The class radically changed my view of pornography. In the Sexual Self Expression class we were instructed to build a book of sexual images, basically our own personal Playboy, which I did. After the class at UCLA, I made the decision to discard and destroy the notebook and clean up my own mind. It was softcore only, but it was interfering with my own marriage and imagination. I have never regretted my decision to do so nor the results of a discipline of fidelity and the resulting fruits of that practice].

Lots of work these days along with a good deal of stress and frustration. However, I’m trying to work through all these factors and learn my lessons. Wrote a short letter to Daisaku Ikeda and sent it, expressing my feelings re: my role in NSA as I see it.

As usual I’m pushed to the line for my work. Must get to work on Garcia’s plan. (I was training to become a landscape architect and worked on designing gardens for clients).

March 06, 1980

Didn’t tell you-went through two difficult days at divorce court where two fellow members Bob Rafkin and Joanne Harris decided to part.

[Bob passed away awhile ago. Joanne has gone on to be quite a famous hair stylist in Hollywood. Years ago she was one of the members of the Sweetie Seven a performing group in Nichiren Shoshu. Here’s one of her recent YouTube video series from her hair saloon. Hope she is doing well. Say hi if you see her!]

By the way, Dad presented my plan to the Garcia’s today for $12,000-$15,000 and they loved the plan. Now I’ve lot’s of work to do on the working drawings, irrigation, plant plan, staking plan, drainage, contour grading–I’m learning so much by doing–unbelievable amount of work. It’s quite absorbing and I am having fun. Finally. It’s so great to have completed a plan and to have been able to have it presented. Next I’ve got to learn #1. How to budget my time for deadlines–now I know there’s a lot of work to be done in designing the landscape for a home.

#2. To have the whole plan done at least two days in advance–with all prices, all plans in order to relax the day before and to #3. Be in shape for a presentation. #4. Pricing and sales are real weak for me!

One thing David Crump said to me in the workshop on Tuesday was (and it was very perceptive of him) –Stick to it, don’t give up–>see it through.

I thought about that often last night and morning. I would finish the presentation plan no matter what. I knew I could, but it would take discipline; which I’m trying to develop.

I had never seen Chaplin speak.

Before I sat down to continue my work last night I watched some movies on “ON TV.” The first movie was a Chaplin film-much to my surprise, I had never seen Chaplin speak. It was so damned funny. I didn’t know it was Chaplin until after the film (The King of New York City). I was really taken over by him. It must have paralleled his own life, as his son was in the movie also. He did deliver some real eloquent punch lines about the American system and it was really sad, but true. It revolved around the Communist issue, which involved Chaplin quite deeply. He left America I believe because of it. I will research this. A very warm, funny man.

I could not help but be inspired by Truman’s guts, courage, honesty and conviction.

The next movie was “Give ‘Em Hell, Harry”–a story, a play about Harry S. Truman played by James Whitmore. Well done–damned inspiring. I could not help but be inspired by Truman’s guts, courage, honesty and conviction. A man of integrity. I wanted to run out and get into the political arena right then. I realize now it is rather the guts and other traits I aspire to enhance in my own life. If politics ever becomes my destiny–I give my life in service to the people. This is the only raison d’etre for politics. Great play. I highly recommend it. I must study history more. What makes such a man. I’m inspired.

Yesterday–got a call from Paris regarding an apartment we looked at in Santa Monica. Two bedrooms-dining room, big living room-French windows, Spanish style. Really nice. It will take some work. We have an interview Friday or Monday. It’s on 6th Street diagonally across from the World Culture Center. Close to Liz’s work and close for us to W.C.C. Bank. Well, whatever’s in the stars for us–that will be fine.

Got a call from school–Bonnie from Landscape Extension called regarding Neil’s class–I gave her my analysis of class. Too much in too short a time. Glad I could give input, by the way-a day before the department meeting. She was very receptive for which I was appreciative. She told me she would talk to Pat Allen regarding my input.

Next, Dad called me and reported to me he ran into a gentlemen he had been trying to contact for weeks to work for him. Best worker he ever had. We had just had a heated discussion the day prior regarding employees and his name had come up. Thanks universe for putting them together the next day. What a fortunate occurrence. Dad happened to go into a Montgomery Wards and ran into the guy. Very fortunate occurrence considering the size of this city… Dad also talked to his friend Pierre regarding his landscape crew and working together. They agreed to do some business. This will probably promote more design business for me.

Garcia had called me early Tuesday morning also and said the Hospital might need some design work. Mad appointment Thursday. What a day. Not only that, then Ann Hagihara called regarding the Youth Development Movement in Beverly Hills. She at first felt me out regarding my feelings and I reassured her that although Andrea was the figurehead at the time, I personally had already accepted total responsibility for the program in Beverly Hills. Right now I’m just not trying to make waves, with the powers that be, but instead just floating among them and scoping out the situation. I assured her that I got the same feeling as her on Andrea. She told me that Andrea really was not interested in the youth program at this time and was probably feeling guilt and pressure since she was formerly in charge of the Young Women’s Division. Whatever. I’m sure everything will work out for the best for everyone. I hope she is interested, if not we can work with the too.

After Liz got home we went out to MacDonald’s and had dinner and talked in the van about all the things going on. Something’s changing.

I’m chanting more and doing some music meditation. Getting a bit more in contact with myself. The Sexual Journal is helping me explore myself more for which I am thankful.

General ideas for Youth Development Program.

Summerhill-Freedom–Not teaching–Facilitating–Freedom–Patience–Coordinating–Finding people talented in area of youth anywhere-members or not–youth programs–non dogmatic–True Buddhism–True Freedom–Non authoritarian–non coercive–Room for youth–Library–Communication Newsletter national, local–workshops (summer courses) with real growth–not like past in NSA–Together! Planned M. Crenshaw (Actualizations leaders)–if youth needs something, let’s provide for growth–Parental cooperation–Community Service Program–Community Service Center–Sunday Daimoku Tosos–Preparation before meetings–Responsibility–Everyone–Youth Government–not benevolent Dictatorship–Youth free run of place.

Awe and respect for life.

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A Heart to Heart and Daddy Long Legs

by James C. Stephens

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Friday, December 28, 1979

On Thursday I stopped by the World Culture Center and did Gongyo at about 9:15. During Gongyo–Mr. Williams stepped into the third floor room and there I made an appointment with him for Friday morning at 10:00.

Clipping from a World Tribune of Daisaku Ikeda and George Williams visiting the University of Chicago in January 1975. 

Friday morning I ran into Gary Curtis, Danny Nagashima, and Cheryl Bell, all of whom I had been attempting to contact. Afterwards Ann Hagihara ushered me into GMW’s office. At first he greeted me and bluntly asked me what items I wanted to talk about. I heard what he said, but inside refused to be led down such a path. I told him I had just ran into Danny Nagashima and he changed gears a bit and asked if I had gone to his wedding. No, I said, but I had sent congratulations via a tape recorded message. He asked if I had gone to school with him. No, I replied, but we practiced together in the same district for awhile. Then I proceeded to show him a book he had recommended to me from

In my journal’s I occasionally posted a stamp or two. Here’s one on this page honoring the Vietnam Veterans on November 11, 1979

Cheryl Bell in 1977 and I told him I enjoyed it tremendously and that on several occasions I had been moved to tears by the book. He glanced at the book’s pictures and seemed to relax a bit more and so did I.

What I came here for was basically to communicate with you and let you know what is going on with me. It has been 10 years I have been in this organization and this is the first time we have communicated person to person. 

“I know,” he said, “and still I’ve seen you so much, TCD, brass band, youth division activities and i feel I know you in my heart.

And I said, I feel too I know you like this diary here I have 10 others, many filled with experiences with you at special meetings and brass band. I have many notes of all these activities and I feel close to you in this sense.

However, the reason I came here was to also communicate with you the feelings that I have developed in the past year. 1979 was definitely a rough year, painful, but I know I grew a lot and am not in the least regretful. The beginning of the year I constructively criticized the organization and I also grew resentful of you. In my diary I recounted you talking of being with President Ikeda so much, massaging his back, sharing time with him. I thought to myself, why don’t we get to do the same now with you, you have so much experience and yet you are getting older and we are young. Many of my friends including myself ask you to let us have access to your experience.

He replied that he was close to President Ikeda before he was President because he was a member in the same district as Mrs. Ikeda, and that they had meetings at Mrs. Ikeda’s house at times. Even before he was President or the Shin’ichi Yamamoto that people talked about, I felt that he was my master in life, Mr. Williams said. In Phase I we were really busy and there wasn’t much time to talk. He said he knew maybe Phase I was pretty militaristic, but it was what we experienced. 

 

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I talked of my experience with my father in parallel with my experience with the organization. The organization has been much like a father to many of us and I personally have learned a lot. In my relationship with my father I experienced a period of rebellion and outright criticism, both warranted and unwarranted; followed by a period of separation, during which I learned what I had learned from my father, what I had to learn and still benefit from, and I felt appreciation towards and a loss of negativity towards and a new awakening of the significance of our relationship, followed by a reunification of our relationship and this is what takes work and courage. It is here where not only does the child realize he can learn from his parent, but also the parent must realize he can learn from the child. If the parent does not also open himself up, it ends in conflict and incredible frustration for the child. Mainly because the parent does not allow the child to grow up. I think now we are in a very creative space in NSA which demands cooperation and communication. I grew up in part because of my father’s near death (which I explained to him GMW). But a lot of my friends, Russ Dilando and Jim Jay have still not confronted this situation and are very resentful towards you (GMW). I feel there is a definite lack of communication in NSA.

He talked about the politics between NSIC and NSA. I said I didn’t like the theory going around that President Ikeda would come over here and straighten out NSA. Earlier GMW and I had established in the conversation that NSA is in a very touchy state, many problems. He explained that NSIC tried to run our organization and he was out of the picture and the members asked NSIC more not him. I said much like the parent-son relationship in adolescence.

Elizabeth and I in 1979.

1976. Serving as a Traffic Control Division YMD.

My journals.

I mentioned Nagata who Liz and I met with and had told Liz to shut up, GMW said, he was sorry and I told him I understood in a way about Japanese culture, Zuiho-bini is harder than they think. He said yes, and he had many complaints and hard feelings were spawned by Nagata. Nagata had been practicing only 8 years and because he was able to be physically close to President Ikeda though he had much power. He was quite authoritarian. (GMW continued) I felt I was in winter from 1976. We needed a couple more years of Phase I. In fact we hadn’t even got there. We were more likely in the preface.

Fortunately the control has been returned to me and the leaders now in NSIC are much more experienced and closer to President Ikeda’s spirit. He talked of the new head of the NSIC and how he had been practicing 18 years and was so warm, genuine and sincere. They came to help us and learn, before they didn’t ask me anything, just toured on their own. Mr. Yutami (?), did much shakubuku through actual proof. GMW told me, Mr. Yutami’s experience of his wife’s cancer. No hope, doing activities, gongyo in the cancer ward, Mrs. becoming like a light to these people, chanting, sneaking in food, sneaking out to do Gongyo, guidance to operate, Doctor’s referral, her lips swelled when she doubted guidance, was she on the right track. Mrs. alone fought to do Gongyo 6 hours. He returned after after activities. She lived through the operation. Success, shakubuku excelled. Fought to do Gongyo 5-6 hours-will to live, battled cancer.

Mr. Williams said he was tired of criticism. NSA’s weak and her low energy, financial situation is actually better off. 

Talked of Peace Center-too small, would be laughed at. Too few people, not enough power. 1 person doing ten different activities, better to consolidate and do shakubuku. Disappointed re: letter to Youth Division. 

Youth movement conversation. Important to develop good healthy district discussion meetings. Shakubuku campaign.

We talked about Actualizations, EST briefly~value of their expressing a small part of Buddhism~good salesman, whereas we have whole philosophy or religion. Need to learn how to express in terms Americans can understand~very difficult task. 

Need of better communication in NSA. Talked about John Mitchell in Sacramento.

He (GMW) told me he sees the horizon, the bleak winter is over and to tell Jim and Russ this and hope they understand.

The famous cowboy actor Will Rogers who said, “I never met a man I didn’t like.” 

Gongyo and daimoku key. Problems were my karma, that’s why I was here early every day before anyone, chanting daimoku during the crisis.

He also talked of room for information center not being used. Territory meeting at LA#1 Headquarters.

Showed him my landscape drawings. Told me of UCLA garden~President Ikeda’s name on Founder’s wall.  

Encouraged me to keep up diary-good or bad times, like “rings of a tree.” 

I told him I would like to compile meetings we had with him.

 

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