Thursday, June 3, 1971
No school today, so I stayed home and studied, but unfortunately I still have not overcome my napping Karma. Brass Band was fantastic and the rhythm and Ichinen for Seattle is definitely growing. A composer who wrote Tokyo Konnichi-wa for us, conducted the band in that music. It was a very heart-warming experience.
Friday, June 4, 1971
No other word can describe it but super heavy. I got back my history paper and comparative gov’t paper and to my surprise received B’s on both of them. Tonight we had a diamoku toso. The Gohonzon really brings out your karma, It’s like my ego really tries to take over, but now I can see it and am trying hard to change it…I can really see now that you don’t become enlightened by controlling your thoughts, for if you did I’d have one hell of a time.
Wednesday, June 9, 1971
Well I finally finished finals at about three o’clock today and it is really a relief to be done with school for the summer. As you notice I did not fill in the last few days in my record. Tonight at the Headquarters I realized how little faith I have and how little I feel for Pres. Ikeda. But tonight I resolve that I am going to Seattle and find out what I am doing. Sometimes I feel so insufficient, and I know that my sincerity to change is really lacking. But I’ve been chanting 2 hours diamoku a day without fail. I think and hope that my attitude will change and that when I march down Fourth Street in Seattle that I really understand my life as well as feel Pres. Ikeda’s Spirit.
I realize that up until now my seeking mind has gone downhill, but I really want to find out what my life is about. I am going to try my best every day for Seattle. Maybe, then I can really meet my Master or at least realize his spirit. My whole year at Valley State made me realize that I just didn’t care about a lot of things. But this summer I am going to study and read without fail.
Sometimes I just feel like hanging everything up, it just gets so heavy. Everything around the house seems very sluggish and I know its at its worst. So from today I resolve to change my life as much as I can until Seattle, and find out what Seattle is really about for me and my country. It is evident that I am not doing anything except leading a day to day existence. I must have dreams and goals.
For Seattle:
- Happy Meetings
- My new YMD.-!
- To do my best in Brass Band
- Chang my whole situation at home into a benefit.
- Do happy Shakubuku and merciful
- Promote World Tribune
- Establish New Friends and re-establish old friendships.
- Get a job
- Get a car.
- New home-apt or small house
- Sell horses.
- Sell dogs.
- Become closer to my father.
- Establish Candy machine route.
- Become closer to my leaders and fellow members and people.
- Feel Pres. Ikeda and Sogohonbucho
- Do a fantastic art project.
- Develop my body and improve my health.
Thursday, June 10, 1971
—New Day—
Win or Lose
Tonight’s Brass Band practice was another successful step towards Seattle. For some reason I was put into the advanced group. It surely is my benefit because I have to work harder to keep up and also our teacher is Gabriel Katona. He’s an arranger and composer for some big motion picture industry. He’s really a good leader.
Friday, June 11, 1971
Got up early and chanted hard for a really constructive day. After Gongyo I washed clothes and did grocery shopping for the week. Oh and I had a benefit while I was cleaning out my desk in the dining room. I found that I had $17 left in my savings account. It was really a benefit because I needed money to pay off my uniform. So I went to the bank after shopping and withdrew $15.
The rest of the day I cleaned house and practiced my clarinet and helped my Dad. In the evening I went to a diamoku toso at our Chiku and my member Jason came along also. After the toso Phil, Robbie and I had money to turn into Shibucho, so Phil and I took down the money. As they say whenever you go to the Headquarters you get a benefit. Well, we did because we got to do Gongyo with Honbucho and afterwards he answered some questions.
A question was asked on Seattle by a new member, “What is the meaning of Seattle?” He said it was for the individual and in fact the best part in terms of human revolution is in preparation for Seattle and Seattle is the victory celebration. It was a great encouragement to me for Seattle.
Journal of a Young Buddhist Radical 