Well. A lot has transpired today. Guess what? Yes, I’m going to be a Dad. Wow! I was really, am really happy. As she said as she walked home a million thoughts were going through her head. She was looking at kids and saying, “Wow!” How’s it going to be with another person in our family. Gosh. She said, “Well, I got used to you! She’s excited and she’ll make a great Mom I know.
Strange that yesterday when I was reading the book on touching by Montagu I decided when our child came I wanted to make him or her or them a cradle. I will start soon on that. Believe me that’s not the ony thing I will start on. What more reason to get my ass in gear. What a great opportunity.
I called Michael Crenshaw regarding the Young People’s workshop and I told him too. He was real excited. I also talked finances about the program. He said Friday evening Orientation/Saturday/Sunday workshop and one follow up evening. 50 people $50 a piece. He would make about $1000 and he said the rest could to a Youth Development fund. Grand feeling we had the same idea. He wanted me to convey to people his excitement about working with us. He sees a lot of potential. He’s a great guy. We talked about getting to know each other more. He may be taking CPI (Creative Personal Interaction). I hope so.
Called Mom-she was thrilled-Wowee! that was her response after I asked her how she would like to be a grandma?
Called Dad-not home-called him after I got home from meeting. Grandpa. He was happy, very happy.
Called Adrianne. Auntie are you up for that? We had a nice talk.
Judy called earlier-told her. She was real happy for us. Wants to get to know Liz better.
Tonight Youth Development meeting was outstanding. Ted Osaki hit the target right on the bull’s eye. I self appointed myself secretary tonight and took notes verbatim. So I’ll include them in the beginning of my new journal or the end of this one.
Began to resolve feelings with Mark Courtney. We hugged after a good beginning conversation. There’s potential for a friendship, much to my surprise.
Well, early to be and early to rise from now on. My determination has been for a long time that when I heard Liz was pregnant I would chant 5 hours a day until the child comes.
The doctor said today the baby is the size of a lemon-of course its not going to be a lemon but a real peach.
I called Michael Roquemore tonight and let him in on the good news since he is one of my closest if not closest friend.
Talked to Lynn today. Friend from the Spa. She’s had a streak of bad luck. Split with her boyfriend and an abortion after three months. She’s having problems. She really thanked me for calling. She said I must have picked up on some feeling cause she needed some courage and i helped her.
Weekend was really strange. We finally tied up an apartment, then roommate Vincent Wong caused some real upsetting problems. The guy is exceedingly immature. He is rude and also unaware of his actions and of himself. His table manners are gross–he chews his food with his mouth wide open and it grates terribly on my nerves. 15 minutes before I had to be at a meeting he says he wants to have a talk–only when it is convenient for him. When we’re relaxing on a Sunday evening, he comes in and wants to figure out the bills. Late at night he would make noise in the kitchen while we were trying to sleep and on top of that he talks to himself.
Our place in Culver City on Woodbine.
I find him incredibly irritating. We’ll see what I can learn here. He’s like a little child. It’s not so much his actions, but his attitude. It’s a temporary situation and evidently I must be in it to learn something. I have never felt intuitively right about him, so maybe it’s the universe’s design to help me change something. I’ll stick it out, but as soon as we move in I’ll just be me and not hold back anything. He’s an extremely arrogant “intellectual” engineer and quite frankly he really is short, I mean really short on human skills. He says with his mouth he wants to change. He talks of the fact he would like to be a politician. Why is it people who don’t really care about people want to run our government? I also think he designs military weapons which disturbs me. The person has very little conscience and or consciousness.
Well, we’ll see what happens in the next few months. Who knows? At this time I just wanted you to know my feelings. The guy is a real schmuck. A PhD to me is worth about a shit to me if that’s the type of person you are. He also Malaysian, educated in English schools and Catholic. Very unfrank and deceitful.
Anyway we got the place on 1133 6th Street in Santa Monica. I don’t feel too good regarding the move. We’ll just have to see if it’s just my mood or illusion or whatever. It’s right across the street from the World Culture Center. Why? Who knows. It’s frustrating. Chanted for the right move.
Yesterday had diarrhea. Felt sick. Went to Spa. Stopped by open house at Santa Monica Community Center, very little vitality in the elderly. I felt more ill just being around there. I just don’t know what is going on in my life, its all so strange.
When I drop in on a meeting at the center, I can’t quite feel sincere with the leaders or the people. I have a tremendous resentment against many of them. The leaders just grate on my life.
Quite honestly I don’t know where all this is leading.
Without Liz sometimes it would be hard to bear what goes on.
It’s time to make and find some new friends for new growth. I feel we’ve outgrown a lot of acquaintances that are just not too interesting to be around.
This new move is a good opportunity to change a lot of things.
Monday, April 7, 1980
Had a chiropractic treatment today from David Clemmens, D.C. and am feeling better mentally. To me it is so incredible what a difference I feel when my back is aligned. I needed very much to get an adjustment since all I seem to have been doing for the past weeks is moving. Three Saturdays ago we moved into our new apartment at 1133 6th Street, Apartment #1. What a move! Fortunately a lot of friends helped us out. Bruce Barnes, Bob Rafkin, Mike Roquemore and Kirk, Lydia, Adrianne Lascar, and Dad. It sure made it easier and I really do appreciate their help. We had more help than our UCLA Extension Landscape School in moving the drafting equipment on Saturday April 5.
Last Monday Liz and I helped Dad move out of the garage. What a monumental task. Liz is such a beautiful and remarkable woman. I love her so much. And I enjoy working with her. She doesn’t fool around. She gets things done. Well I have to tell you we did one helluva lot of work and quite a good job. It sure felt good to finally see a phase in our life pass. (The cars were gone. Hip!Hip! Hooray!)
We had our share of Mrs. Nelson too. She became a terrible bother at the end. I didn’t find her a very enjoyable person. Strange lady. A touch of Nazi in there I believe. Enough there.
Our new place is really charming. It’s taking some time to get settled, but we’re doing fine. Sunday, Liz and I took a walk to the pier and Ocean Park. Although I wasn’t in the best of spirits I have to say I did enjoy myself.
Our new place is really charming. It’s taking some time to get settled, but we’re doing fine. Sunday, Liz and I took a walk to the pier and Ocean Park. Although I wasn’t in the best of spirits I have to say I did enjoy myself.
Few things. Adrianne and Mike Roquemore got together, as Adrianne was having problems with someone who shows her concern; I’m getting friendly with a girl Bonnie from school. She’s married, not too happy. We had a nice talk on Saturday alone when we were moving desks donated by a big design firm. I think it would be nice to have a more intimate relationship with her. I think we could be very good friends. In fact I think it looks very promising in that direction and I will definitely commit some time in that direction.
Design School looking really great. I helped along with Nori Hashibe, John, Tom L, Pat Allen and Bonnie, Vince and a few others to move a great deal of drafting equipment to our new prospective design center.
I’m talking to Pat Allen, Chair of the School of Landscape Architecture, UCLA Extension.
Nori, Phil and I talked til late about the future in this area and regarding Pacific Cultural ties. I’m taking Studio Skills from Nori and Interior Design for Landscape Architecture from Tom Lockett.
Tom Lockett, Land Images.
I feel I’m on the ground floor of something great happening and I am EXCITED! REAL EXCITED.
Same in NSA with the Youth Development Program. Michael Crenshaw (An Actualization’s Workshop Leader) and I had dinner and he’s very interested in helping develop the Young People’s Workshop.
In the area of Relationship with Liz it’s deepening. Some problems, but a lot of advancement.
Family: Uncle Johnny Dow (Tony’s father) is not doing well. He has terminal cancer. I don’t know much more than that presently.
Bruce and Maggie got married last weekend in March. Very nice wedding small and beautiful. Bruce’s family seemed really happy. It looks like a good bet!
Started a million daimoku campaign today.
Losing my hair stylist Linda. She and her husband are moving to Carmel. Really nice gal from New York.
Tomorrow–Sexual Self Expression Workshop–Touching. Should be interesting.
Good nite for now.
Oh, a couple of other things: must push career–progressing too slow. Looking for a job. Must complete resume this week.
Liz and I going to Yosemite with Jerry Wilhelm and Pat Cuda on Ecological Systems field trip (While we waited for Jerry’s Professor, we soon heard tragic news that he was killed in a motorcycle accident on his way to teach the class. It was very difficult for all).
Elizabeth at Yosemite.
Must get serious with Career by doing.
Michael Roquemore having a hard time at present, but I think it’s going to turn around.
Chris DeLisle doing great. Helped us with garage move. Gave him my old skis and boots. He’s doing well.
Got a letter from Chris Scott–from Actualizations CPI (Creative Personal Interactions) Workshop–must get in touch. He’s really a super guy.
Life! Business is not more important than life. I must. I hurt inside. I must learn to encourage, rather than discourage. This last week I did nothing, but discourage my father. I am deeply ashamed. Even Ann told me he had told her that he could give me a heart attack. What can I say? I feel so badly. I love my father so much. Gohonzon, please help me change my bad nature. Please!
I must not complain, but rather act myself. I must grow stronger day by day I need training! I’ve GOT TO CHANGE. I MUST FIGHT TO GAIN CONTROL OF MY NATURE!
Let me tell you about my father. He is such a beautiful man. He struggles so hard and all life gives him are obstacles, but he still struggles with determination. He will someday see spring. Please Gohonzon, let my dad enjoy a great blossoming of his life. Even if I have to starve let him have my fortune. This is one of my great dreams. He is one of the only stable things next to the Gohonzon that I have in my life. Please help! When I struggled to eat he would give me his last dollar, this is a true story of man’s love. No one else would care if I passed on. I must live and grow to be a great man so I can make my dad happy. Who else would bring you soup when you were suffering from a great temperature? When everyone else had forgot. How can I repay my father?
Thanksgiving yesterday brought with it the beginning of winter. The days before were balmy with Santana winds and fires of great destruction. Fires in the local mountains left many people homeless and burned the foliage off the mountains so badly needed during the rainy season for flood control. The newspapers despite the Thanksgiving season ring of war in the middle east, fires and other tragedies. Little hope is inspired in reading these modern newspapers. One can’t help but become depressed if he reads the daily news.
Thanksgiving this year I spent with my Father. We had an excellent, I mean superb meal. My dad is an excellent cook, so’s his girlfriend. My aunt Retha was there also. For a change we got along very well. I think I have changed a great deal in the past six months.
She is tracing our family tree on my Dad’s side. To my surprise and happiness I’m approximately 1/16 Chickasaw Indian. I always felt I had something to do with our native America. Also during the Civil War my ancestors fought on the side of the south as far as we know, in South Carolina. I am anxious to find out where we were in 1776. It was a very happy family reunion.
Before I left for dinner I called my old friend Pat Flaherty in Great Falls. I shakubukued him over the phone. He remarked that he was very impressed and would like to try the philosophy. He also agreed up the idea that Human Revolution was the most logical way to World Peace. I must write him soon. I sent him the World Tribune for December.
Work was extremely hard for me today. I must build up more confidence. My dress must improve. I must become a better worker.
My car has given me some problems and has been parked in front of our neighbor’s parking area. He complained, so I told him that I would move it. Tonight after going to the LA #1 Headquarters, I went to move it and the front window was broken all over and the aerial was broken off. I was very angry. I knocked on the guys door. He said he didn’t do it. I question that, but I hope he didn’t resort to such tactics. It’s very disheartening.
I took the bus to the meeting tonight. On the way I started shakubukuing one black guy named Larry. He decided to attend the meeting. A fellow name Howard overheard our talk and decided when I asked him, to come. Larry did not join, but was interested. Howard joined and paid for his Gohonzon. He seems to be sincerely interested in the practice of this philosophy. He’s a pharmacist.
Journal of a Young Buddhist Radical 