Up earlier today. Did quite a few sketches–working on doing quick sketches–developing style. Retyped and re-edited Youth Development Plan and dropped it off to Andrea for Senior leaders meeting for approval. Dropped off (Communication Worker’s of America) Union papers for Liz. Attended Studio Skills class tonight at UCLA and afterwards, Nori, Phil and I talked about the Greenhouse studio. I pinned Nori down to some dates. He didn’t realize things were coming up so soon. I hope that I can be of service to this program.
Nori Hashibe, my Studio Skills Instructor at UCLA preparing for our Student Show. One of my designs is being prepared to be put up of my Star System living design.
My plan is to get involved in starting this school of Landscape Architecture. I am starting to design Progress Print, the newsletter I started for the Landscape Club.
This week I measured the Greenhouse and put together a plan for the Design Center for Landscape Architecture. Saturday we will start cleaning up the Greenhouse. The staff okay-ed my layout for the newsletter.
Meeting this week discussing the reorganization of Marina and Beverly Hills Area.
May 6, 1980- 1:30 a.m.
The most important thing is what my career can do for humanity. Not just designs that please my own ego, but designs which stretch people’s imagination and help them strive for deeper meaning in life. Otherwise what, why do I design a garden? To make money, become famous? I am nothing really. The greatest feeling is being part of humanity. Without humanity I would be but an animal only concerned with eating, sleeping, procreation. To be of service to others is my greatest joy. My greatest treasure are my friends.
What can I do for humanity, but try and grow. I am not a sheep, my friends are not sheep. We are unknown shepherds trying to live and better our life.
Weekend was really strange. We finally tied up an apartment, then roommate Vincent Wong caused some real upsetting problems. The guy is exceedingly immature. He is rude and also unaware of his actions and of himself. His table manners are gross–he chews his food with his mouth wide open and it grates terribly on my nerves. 15 minutes before I had to be at a meeting he says he wants to have a talk–only when it is convenient for him. When we’re relaxing on a Sunday evening, he comes in and wants to figure out the bills. Late at night he would make noise in the kitchen while we were trying to sleep and on top of that he talks to himself.
Our place in Culver City on Woodbine.
I find him incredibly irritating. We’ll see what I can learn here. He’s like a little child. It’s not so much his actions, but his attitude. It’s a temporary situation and evidently I must be in it to learn something. I have never felt intuitively right about him, so maybe it’s the universe’s design to help me change something. I’ll stick it out, but as soon as we move in I’ll just be me and not hold back anything. He’s an extremely arrogant “intellectual” engineer and quite frankly he really is short, I mean really short on human skills. He says with his mouth he wants to change. He talks of the fact he would like to be a politician. Why is it people who don’t really care about people want to run our government? I also think he designs military weapons which disturbs me. The person has very little conscience and or consciousness.
Well, we’ll see what happens in the next few months. Who knows? At this time I just wanted you to know my feelings. The guy is a real schmuck. A PhD to me is worth about a shit to me if that’s the type of person you are. He also Malaysian, educated in English schools and Catholic. Very unfrank and deceitful.
Anyway we got the place on 1133 6th Street in Santa Monica. I don’t feel too good regarding the move. We’ll just have to see if it’s just my mood or illusion or whatever. It’s right across the street from the World Culture Center. Why? Who knows. It’s frustrating. Chanted for the right move.
Yesterday had diarrhea. Felt sick. Went to Spa. Stopped by open house at Santa Monica Community Center, very little vitality in the elderly. I felt more ill just being around there. I just don’t know what is going on in my life, its all so strange.
When I drop in on a meeting at the center, I can’t quite feel sincere with the leaders or the people. I have a tremendous resentment against many of them. The leaders just grate on my life.
Quite honestly I don’t know where all this is leading.
Without Liz sometimes it would be hard to bear what goes on.
It’s time to make and find some new friends for new growth. I feel we’ve outgrown a lot of acquaintances that are just not too interesting to be around.
This new move is a good opportunity to change a lot of things.
Monday, April 7, 1980
Had a chiropractic treatment today from David Clemmens, D.C. and am feeling better mentally. To me it is so incredible what a difference I feel when my back is aligned. I needed very much to get an adjustment since all I seem to have been doing for the past weeks is moving. Three Saturdays ago we moved into our new apartment at 1133 6th Street, Apartment #1. What a move! Fortunately a lot of friends helped us out. Bruce Barnes, Bob Rafkin, Mike Roquemore and Kirk, Lydia, Adrianne Lascar, and Dad. It sure made it easier and I really do appreciate their help. We had more help than our UCLA Extension Landscape School in moving the drafting equipment on Saturday April 5.
Last Monday Liz and I helped Dad move out of the garage. What a monumental task. Liz is such a beautiful and remarkable woman. I love her so much. And I enjoy working with her. She doesn’t fool around. She gets things done. Well I have to tell you we did one helluva lot of work and quite a good job. It sure felt good to finally see a phase in our life pass. (The cars were gone. Hip!Hip! Hooray!)
We had our share of Mrs. Nelson too. She became a terrible bother at the end. I didn’t find her a very enjoyable person. Strange lady. A touch of Nazi in there I believe. Enough there.
Our new place is really charming. It’s taking some time to get settled, but we’re doing fine. Sunday, Liz and I took a walk to the pier and Ocean Park. Although I wasn’t in the best of spirits I have to say I did enjoy myself.
Our new place is really charming. It’s taking some time to get settled, but we’re doing fine. Sunday, Liz and I took a walk to the pier and Ocean Park. Although I wasn’t in the best of spirits I have to say I did enjoy myself.
Few things. Adrianne and Mike Roquemore got together, as Adrianne was having problems with someone who shows her concern; I’m getting friendly with a girl Bonnie from school. She’s married, not too happy. We had a nice talk on Saturday alone when we were moving desks donated by a big design firm. I think it would be nice to have a more intimate relationship with her. I think we could be very good friends. In fact I think it looks very promising in that direction and I will definitely commit some time in that direction.
Design School looking really great. I helped along with Nori Hashibe, John, Tom L, Pat Allen and Bonnie, Vince and a few others to move a great deal of drafting equipment to our new prospective design center.
I’m talking to Pat Allen, Chair of the School of Landscape Architecture, UCLA Extension.
Nori, Phil and I talked til late about the future in this area and regarding Pacific Cultural ties. I’m taking Studio Skills from Nori and Interior Design for Landscape Architecture from Tom Lockett.
Tom Lockett, Land Images.
I feel I’m on the ground floor of something great happening and I am EXCITED! REAL EXCITED.
Same in NSA with the Youth Development Program. Michael Crenshaw (An Actualization’s Workshop Leader) and I had dinner and he’s very interested in helping develop the Young People’s Workshop.
In the area of Relationship with Liz it’s deepening. Some problems, but a lot of advancement.
Family: Uncle Johnny Dow (Tony’s father) is not doing well. He has terminal cancer. I don’t know much more than that presently.
Bruce and Maggie got married last weekend in March. Very nice wedding small and beautiful. Bruce’s family seemed really happy. It looks like a good bet!
Started a million daimoku campaign today.
Losing my hair stylist Linda. She and her husband are moving to Carmel. Really nice gal from New York.
Tomorrow–Sexual Self Expression Workshop–Touching. Should be interesting.
Good nite for now.
Oh, a couple of other things: must push career–progressing too slow. Looking for a job. Must complete resume this week.
Liz and I going to Yosemite with Jerry Wilhelm and Pat Cuda on Ecological Systems field trip (While we waited for Jerry’s Professor, we soon heard tragic news that he was killed in a motorcycle accident on his way to teach the class. It was very difficult for all).
Elizabeth at Yosemite.
Must get serious with Career by doing.
Michael Roquemore having a hard time at present, but I think it’s going to turn around.
Chris DeLisle doing great. Helped us with garage move. Gave him my old skis and boots. He’s doing well.
Got a letter from Chris Scott–from Actualizations CPI (Creative Personal Interactions) Workshop–must get in touch. He’s really a super guy.
The single New Testament account, in Matthew 2:14, merely says (of Joseph): “When he arose, he took the young child and his mother by night, and departed into Egypt” Painting by Gerard David, c. 1510, National Gallery of Art. Joseph is beating chestnuts from a tree.
by James C. Stephens
Wednesday, December 26, 1979
I would rather lose a person as a business partner, than lose them as a friend.
Katie Newman and I talked at the party about my idea on the landscape book. On Christmas Eve she invited Liz and I over to her house to visit and the conversation turned to “the book.” While talking about the book and “my idea” it took on shades and then hues of a different color. She considered us partners 50-50 and it would be a construction industry book of services. She said she would have nothing to do with a supplier’s book. She would not “hear” my idea. She presented her idea of the book and pointed at a market I had not yet considered, that of the developer. Personally, I picked out some ideas and said, oh yes that is a great way of looking at it. However, it is not my own intent of working on and publishing a book that is of no value to the pursuit of my own career goal which as you know is in the field of Landscape Architecture.
At the time, I was or allowed myself to be dominated and saw that at that moment it was not to either of our advantages to buck that trend. However, I have had some time to think and reflect on this area and would like to let you in on the process I went through.
Katie has a very strong character and dominant. This is neither good nor bad, but depends upon what side of this character you stand on, such as a tree casts a shadow. The shadow is not bad, however if a plant that is in need of sun is in the shadow, its growth will be thwarted, if it needs shade, it’s growth on the hand will be enhanced. Now the question is, the dilemma is, am I a plant that, in this situation needs sun or shade. At first when Liz and I left she though Katie would be great for me. She’s able to concentrate on one thing at a time, I diversify. She’s dominant and would help me see that I need to not jump so far ahead that I lose track of what I am doing. On the other hand, we can look at it in quite a different manner.
Last night after we left mom’s Christmas dinner, Liz, Vincent, Adri and I stopped by Michael’s. I notices some Tarot cards and books he had picked up and he said does anyone want to have a reading? Adri–no! Vincent–no! Fear, fear, fear. I said, sure. But before I did we talked about the meaning which people place on so many things. Cards are cards, but they are also a facility through which one may look at one’s own life. First one must realize this point before he goes on. It just triggers certain realities about yourself. They are generalities and you can take them in many ways depending on the depth of your karma, your character, your state of life. Some chose to be threatened by it. I chose that I could gain something by the experience. And, an interesting experience it was. In Tarot Card reading, the questioner, interpreter of the cards asks the cards a question, then the reader casts the cards–1 being a dominant card and then followed by the others (you cut first of course). Then the reader reads the cards meaning which can be reversed or reading depending on the cards position. The questioner interprets its meaning according to his own “ear,” much as one listens to music according to his own tastes which are a reflection of him or her own upbringing, etc.
[JCS present reflection: I’ve a totally different opinion now on the occult practices such as Tarot cards, seances, palmistry, and mediums. I recall a story of a Russian woman who after World War II ended was very worried about her husband who had been fighting on the Western front and had not returned. She was distraught and so she sought out a medium. She asked him about her husband and the medium said, “Your husband was killed on the Western front.” The young wife then left in despair with her two children and went out and committed suicide. A week later, the husband returned from the Western front–alive. There are many studies and written accounts on the deceitfulness and dangers of the occult. I have more to say, but know that my dabbling in the occult brought me into a darker realm where I began to have frightening dreams of blood running in sinks, and strange apparitions and experiences. I would now agree with Vincent and Adri and say, No! Life is difficult as it is and there are answers which can be trusted, but the occult practices which seem harmless are not. My post is purely historical and I now do not in any way endorse what at that time I dabbled with.]
I asked a question about sex off hand. However the cards played a different hand somewhat. What I saw was a deeper more pressing question at hand. It was a relationship with Katie as a business partner. My cards all, strange at it seems pointed at ‘a new venture.’ And it was with a domineering person and it talked of a situation that was far more general than I had imagined, too many directions, and a fear that would stop completion of the project. A fear of domination. Now realize, this was just a framework that appeared in the cards and I choose to look at it the way I did. If nothing is coincidence, then I and the cards were destined to meet.
As I thought about this later, I realized that although Katie’s idea is a good one, it is not the direction I wish to proceed. #2. I came up with this idea and already she counts herself as my partner, I have not. #3 Her idea does not jive with mine. #4. I had a dream where Mike, Vincent and I were discussing something about a landscape for Vincent who is the client in the dream. Vincent wants something, Mike argues no, and I who have the creativity am not able to get a word in edgewise and become exceedingly frustrated. I feel this is a reflection I can profit by. I have to work with people I intuitively can prosper with and do not have a character battle going on with. I can not be dominated and grow, and create my idea, i.e., working with my father I value my father as my father, Katie as a friend. #5. I am not out to make money only. I am out to expand my career and vision. #6. This other matter could sidetrack my life. I do not need that. #7. I need to put together an organization of people. Must know what I really need and want.#8. Health-wise I can not afford to come from an area of conflict. I must be in charge or be working with someone like Tracy, who reads things on the same level as I, it seems.
~~~
Monday. I stopped by Nori’s * Park design over by the Federal Building. Interesting and yet lacking in practicality in some respects.
Talked to Dad~selfish over us coming to dinner at his place. Argued. He’s unhappy. X-mas day we stopped by for a couple of hours. Had a couple of drinks, happy we did~resolved situation. I love him very much, a little resentment towards Ruth’s attitudes, but I can understand why she is the way she is. Liz helped out tremendously. She was nauseous again. Pepto Bismo at Adri’s.
Picked up Adri and Vincent had dinner at Mom’s~sit down dinner great. Enjoyed Mom’s, Liz’s, Sully’s company. Carol rude. Chris “miss cool” ugh, Steve, okay, Kim-Kim, her husband-Scott, Adri on a trip at the time, Vincent okay. Eddy-Kim’s son helped him build a ship, Dennis, baseball guy, yes and, Candy, his Mom.
Talked to Ron. Tired-working hard-Xmas ski season is rough.
Sit down dinner-right after dinner everyone got up and sat everywhere else. To me I love everyone sitting around table talking, coffee, etc. Not really that much fun. Oh well–I want a sit down dinner soon, would definitely be really fun with the right people.
Get a nice table cloth, china, silverware.
–Letters to be written, schedule to be kept, new diary to start January 1st.
-Saw Vincent get exceedingly mad over at Mike’s last night. Talked a long time. Sort of helped him out. Realized my own shortcomings. Anger at injustices. Anger at ignorance. In this I must be more patient. Vincent is very sharp, but lacking in the realm of personal communications-philosophy to avoid problem areas-yet wishes to be a politician, but refuses to mix with all types. I know though he has much potential-will take time. I don’t mean to sound like this, but he seems so familiar in this area. By the way, he will be our roommate beginning in January.
Adri got upset, walked out of the room. Everyone almost ready to leave. I stay until issues are resolved or at least until a happy medium is reached.
Time for Gongyo.
(Two Christmas stamps-Mary and Jesus and the other one Santa Claus. I like putting stamps in my journals).
My brother Ron and his first wife Pam, now a helicopter pilot.
Journal of a Young Buddhist Radical 