“It was so innocent”

Posted: May 23, 2018 in Uncategorized
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by James C. Stephens


Tuesday, May 10, 1977

Monday raining outside. As I lay in bed I picked up Daddy Long Legs by Jean Webster and started reading (I believe I told you earlier that Mr. Williams had pulled this book from his library and told you it was one of President Ikeda’s favorite books.) Well, it has become one of my favorite books in fact. I couldn’t put it down except to do morning gongyo and what a perfect stormy day to be able to read through such a wonderful book.

Tuesday morning. Did or trying to do more relaxed Gongyo’s; I have felt, too nervous in the past, trying to become more relaxed and patient. Did rhythmical relaxed Gongyo. Decided at last moment, Dad and I should go do the route together. At Howard Johnson’s I had a very pleasant surprise. Isabel was there, came out and greeted me. We talked while I worked and made a plan to drop off Daddy Long Legs to her place tonite at 8:00.

8:10 p.m.-After relaxed Gongyo stopped by Isabels and had a very relaxed and enjoyable conversation. Shared dreams and frustrations till about 10:30. “Gee, I’m going to have to get back to work, Jim.”

“Okay, I have to get home and read 50 more pages of Dostoevsky’s Idiot. Sunday at 11:30?”

“Okay.” She looked so relaxed. Dressed in a robe. Most sexy, but all I could imagine was her and I at home together relaxed, her writing in the study. I moved over and kissed her goodnight, very light kiss, although I wished more, it was so innocent. On the way home I smiled to myself. I would have it no other way. I trust her so much more this way than one who would have had more immediate motives as sex.

Here I was moved sexually, but more emotionally. I felt that I wanted to take her into my arms.

I loaned her a Jazz album of mine and also Brahm’s Fourth. She exclaimed! “Oh, It’s my favorite of Brahms. Thanks!”

What can I say? I would write the experience word for word if I could, but I realize its just the longing I have to be with such a person. I told you I had many conflicts inside about starting a relationship with a non-member. But I made a commitment to Gohonzon that I would follow this through and would stand by Isabel with true love which is true mercy and with strong faith in the Gohonzon hold on to my mission ever more dearly. If in fact this relationship is meant to be.

 

Does fortune have it

I should travel,

Should run into so many

different

people, places

and one day meet my wife

over coffee in a restaurant

Maybe I am crazy

Or a romantic

Or a bit of both.

But I have a feeling

From the depths of my life

Isabel is a such a beautiful name.

She is eloquent

But she has a certain shyness

Maybe they call it a feminine mystique.

Two of her upper front teeth overlap

her lip-she tries to hide it

But that’s what makes her so attractive.

She has luscious moderate lips

Brown eyes, not flirting

But with depth

That I know I could love.

Dark hair that frames her face

Like a full moon.

Not thin, but healthy

Lovely.

A life like a puppy dog

You want to hug,

Although it is shy at first.

We communicated tonight many times

Without talking and

We realized it.

Hope and confidence!

 

TO ISABEL

Please understand

My heart is pure

I too am not only in

Search of a romantic diversion

Dear

Only in search of someone I

Can share and grow with.

Someone I can see the

Stars through their eyes

And not be lost without

Faith and hope

Someone who can tell me

A sweater is not my color

or

Gosh, tears

I hope you could love me

I so wish to share my life

Closely with someone.

I hope that can be you.

Goodnite I must rest

My thoughts.

Love is too trite a word

to give to you.

 

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