Conflicting Romantic Notions & Magic Pan

Posted: September 13, 2017 in Uncategorized

crepes jybrby James C. Stephens

August 11, 1975

Last night I went out with Terri Seward an old friend. Just before I left ________called and we talked for awhile. I got along well with Terri. We had coffee and dessert crepes at Magic Pan in Beverly Hills and a very good conversation. We headed home about 12:00. I had a very good time.

August 20, 1975

_____________ came by the day after I went out with Terri. I went through some strange changes. _________ came up to me, so beautiful, so fresh to me. I can’t believe how happy I was to see her. We walked to the park, we talked. She told me a lot had changed in 3 months. I really love you Jim. _________’s nothing. You did so much more. So our conversation went from light to the heavy. We headed for the apartment. I couldn’t make love to her. Terri was in my mind and the past I was willingly leaving behind.

Strangely, she became very jealous when I mentioned Terri. I don’t know what possessed me to bring her up. Possibly my feeling of vengeance or sincerity. Anyway it was very destructive. She left very depressed, what I said to console her made no difference. Well I though a lot after that. I became very depressed. I called her back a day later and she finally made a decision to move to Northern California with her sister. I apologized, she explained that she was in love with me and she cried on the way home. She promised to come over before she left. I called her up and no answer, her mom said she was leaving at 10:00 that evening. 9:30 no ________. I took a walk out front. Then I called Terri. She doesn’t mean that much to me. Intellectual head trips. So what she’s smarter about geography. What’s that mean to me? ____________didn’t come by. I cried myself to sleep as I was exceedingly depressed. I’m in love with her. She called in the morning. What a beautiful call. ‘I’m leaving at 1:00. Hurry over ________. Okay.

“Stay on the phone while I do my packing.”


She came. She gave me a picture of her boys.  She hugged me as only she can. She left plants for me to take care of. I gave her my lei made by little Laurie in Hawaii. We talked, we made love, so comfortable together, we wrestled. I miss her warmth.

This is an embarrassing section as I have been happily married now for nearly forty years, have three children, and two grandchildren. But again, to stay true to my title, raw “Journal of a Young Buddhist Radical.”


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